I had a bit of a scare last night. I must have fallen asleep on my arm, and the fingers of my left hand went numb. It happens.
Problem: it lasted over an hour and lingers as I write this the next morning.
Now, I knew it was probably nothing serious. I wasn’t trying to be melodramatic. But when it is after midnight and something like that happens, the mind tends to race. Many diagnoses ran through my head as I vigorously shook my hand, trying to get some feeling back. Nerve damage? Circulation problem? Heart attack?
As a pianist, guitarist, and worship leader, I cringed at the thought of not being able to play music again. I actually pictured what ministry would be like without the ability to play.
Then I thought back to earlier in the evening. I was out on visitation, and I got to give the Gospel to a 72-year-old Korean War vet who is a self-professed loner and skeptic. He didn’t follow Christ, but he did sincerely respond to what I said.
I then realized what I have always known but perhaps never fully embraced (or needed to embrace anew). If I were to lose my voice completely today, God would still have a purpose for me. If I lost the ability to use my hands, my legs, my sight, my hearing… God be glorified.
My problem is that sometimes I think I have something to offer Him, when, in reality, all I have to offer is what He bestows. My Creator gives me what I need to do what He wants me to do.
Dr. Ergun Caner once said that God’s call on a person’s life is for a specific task in a specific place for a specific time. And the way He equips us is specific. That’s why being dissatisfied with our lot in life or with the tasks before us amounts to doubting God. If God put you in the situation you are in, can you trust that it going to “work together for good?”
At least I’m able to type, if nothing else. Still a little tingly.
10/25/09
UPDATE: All feeling came back into my fingers this past Thursday. Glory to God! I told the praise band this morning that, now that my hand is fully functional, I cannot blame my temporary condition for wrong notes. They are to be blamed on the room temperature. Sometimes it is too cold to play the right notes. Or too warm…
Not a Camouflaged Soul 